My friend Brett Fish and I have started writing one liners. Some based on Jack Handy-esque comedy and others not. He's calling his Brett Andy and I'm MJandey. Here are a few of the ones I've written.
Sometimes I hear voices in my head saying "35, 36, 37, 38...". The first time it freaked me out. Then I realised its the thoughts that count.
When life hands you lemons pretend they're guavas and say 'these guavas look a bit yellow. I'm going to leave them out to ripen'. Then put them on a table and slowly walk away.
You can never put enough pepper on your food, unless you taste it and think to yourself "ah I wish I hadn't put so much pepper on my food"
A trip comes before a fall.
I don’t like people without feet. Some call me lack-toes intolerant.
“I’ll bet rock, paper, scissors was a lot less fun before scissors were invented. And paper.”
“I don’t understand why they call them miners when most of them are over 18. Probly cos they can’t drink while underground.”
“Last nite i dreamt i ate a giant marshmallow and when i woke up my pillow was on the floor next to my bed. It probly got knocked off during the night i imagine.”