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Showing posts with label dark humour. Show all posts
Showing posts with label dark humour. Show all posts

Moss Grows Fat on a Rolling Snowball

This is an old short story I wrote. I'm keen to start writing short stories again.

Before it became too bad he was going to go and sort things out. It hadn't been too long, but Stewart didn't want the problem getting any bigger. He'd seen a snowball rolling down a hill and well it wasn't pretty; well it might have been slightly pretty but he didn't want his life to be reduced to an analogy about a snowball and a hill.

Stewart had been an investment banker and had recently cut off his finger. He had lost a lot of blood but had decided to ice the wound with a fruit loops ice cream; the one with the different fruit flavours and colours. He had wanted to eat it but the overwhelming concern of death led him to rather put it on his injury.

He put Sleepless in Seattle on TV, because he wanted to distract himself from the pain of his mangled hand and turn the attention to his heart. Stewart’s fiance had left him on New Years day three hours earlier to the minute. She had gone to meet a man and a child on top of the Empire State Building. The story of Sleepless in Seattle had a strange resonance with Stewart because he had once been to Seattle and couldn't find a BnB anywhere.

As he lay there watching Tom Hanks’ son call into the radio station asking the resident Agony Aunt to help his father find a date, he thought about radios and the cancerous radio waves they emit. Although as Stewart sat there he realized that cancer is not primarily caused by radio waves and this helped to curb his anxiousness, but just to be safe he unplugged the radio.

Later Stewart would try to go to a hospital and get his hand looked at, but while he is driving his hand will slip from the wheel and the car will careen into an elderly couple's house. He'll survive.

Chuck Palahniuk

A while ago I went to a bookshop and picked up 'Choke' by Chuck Palahniuk. I read the opening pages and loved it. Pretty much the opening is just the author telling the reader why not to read the book. Its great. "Don't read my book". Heck, now I want to read your book. Darn you, reverse-psychology.

I honestly never read more than those few pages, and so I feel like a bit of a dope telling you how kiff his writing is, but what I read I really enjoyed.

Chuck is also the writer of 'Fight Club'.

Here are a few quotes of his. Funny, depressing, and real.
People don't want their lives fixed. Nobody wants their problems solved. Their dramas. Their distractions. Their stories resolved. Their messes cleaned up. Because what would they have left? Just the big scary unknown.

The only reason why we ask other people how their weekend was is so we can tell them about our own weekend.

The most boring thing in the entire world is nudity. The second most boring thing is honesty.

It's not living alone if you keep a rifle under the bed.

With a gun stuck in your mouth and the barrel of the gun between your teeth, you can only talk in vowels.

Why is it you feel like a dope if you laugh alone, but that's usually how you end up crying?

A minute of perfection was worth the effort. A moment was the most you could ever expect from perfection.

On a long enough timeline. The survival rate for everyone drops to zero.