Baffled audience as the Oprah Show is hit by the recession

Oprah Winfrey’s show, ‘the Oprah show’ named after her own mis-spelt name, has recently fallen into financial difficulty as a result of the economic recession.

The Angel Fund Network, a philanthropic group started by Oprah, has been forced to make cut-backs this year and instead of giving South African children education and housing, a balloon and ‘good luck’ badge were seen as sufficient.

When asked whether her own failure to have children due to her career-driven attitude and old age was one of the key reasons for her insensitivity toward the South African children’s plight, Oprah was quoted as saying “yes”.

The recession has forced Oprah to start thinking of new ways of marketing herself. Following the trend of Brangelina and TomKat, she has decided that her and her boyfriend will now be known as Oprend, an amalgamation of her name, Oprah, and his name, Oprah’s Boyfriend.

In further cost cutting, Oprah was forced to substitute her best friend Gayle for the West Indian cricket captain Chris, who was seen to be a much lower cost best friend.

At the recent giveaway show the audience were rather surprised when instead of last year’s free wheelchairs for everyone in the audience, Oprah shouted out “if y’all look under your chairs you’ll see each one of you has a chair under your chair”. The crowd still cheered like delirious drunks at a dance-off competition, until the panado-addicted housewives realized that they had only won a chair and sat down dejectedly.

Paulie, the cripple who had come to the show to receive a much needed wheelchair, said “a wheelchair would have really helped me, but I understand the recession has hit us all hard, and I’m sure Ms.Wind-free is really struggling.” Nobody corrected Paulie’s mistake though because we all felt sorry that he hadn’t received a free wheelchair.

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Mammoth Mess-Up as Conservatives take on the Bohemians

Once again the fundamentalists and the hippies were at odds with one another at the local ‘Mammoth Eating Competition’ this weekend. The competition, which was run by the local Hippies Unified by Guns Society (HUGS), was held in support of world hunger. The hippies came out in full force in their attempt to alleviate world hunger and although it was unsure how hippies gorging themselves for an afternoon was going to affect world hunger or why the Gun Society would be involved, nobody wanted to seem like a prophet of doom and no objections were raised.

The slogan for the event read “eat a lot, and save a child” and that’s what they did, or at least tried to until the fundamentalists arrived. Led by world renowned spiritual leader, Frank, they started yelling at the HUGS members calling them “murderers” and “overweight” and other names as well. The fight really got out of hand when Frank started launching toasters at the hippies, and the police had to be called in to calm down the agitation.

It was later determined that Frank had misunderstood the intention of the competition and thought that the hippies were eating real mammoths. Frank later released a statement saying “when I heard that the hippies were going to be eating the mammoth I got upset. Ever since Mindy the Mammoth came to me during a peyote-induced dream and revealed to me the secrets of life, I have fought to protect their sacred species. Now that I know they just meant ‘a large amount’, all is forgiven and one day we’ll be able to look back on this day and laugh.”