Once again the fundamentalists and the hippies were at odds with one another at the local ‘Mammoth Eating Competition’ this weekend. The competition, which was run by the local Hippies Unified by Guns Society (HUGS), was held in support of world hunger. The hippies came out in full force in their attempt to alleviate world hunger and although it was unsure how hippies gorging themselves for an afternoon was going to affect world hunger or why the Gun Society would be involved, nobody wanted to seem like a prophet of doom and no objections were raised.
The slogan for the event read “eat a lot, and save a child” and that’s what they did, or at least tried to until the fundamentalists arrived. Led by world renowned spiritual leader, Frank, they started yelling at the HUGS members calling them “murderers” and “overweight” and other names as well. The fight really got out of hand when Frank started launching toasters at the hippies, and the police had to be called in to calm down the agitation.
It was later determined that Frank had misunderstood the intention of the competition and thought that the hippies were eating real mammoths. Frank later released a statement saying “when I heard that the hippies were going to be eating the mammoth I got upset. Ever since Mindy the Mammoth came to me during a peyote-induced dream and revealed to me the secrets of life, I have fought to protect their sacred species. Now that I know they just meant ‘a large amount’, all is forgiven and one day we’ll be able to look back on this day and laugh.”
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